Left-handers just pretend-The Cavalier Daily-University of Virginia's Student Newspaper

2021-11-24 05:07:22 By : Ms. Valerie Chen

We have all experienced this-when you noticed that you were not paying attention, you were taking notes in class. Your gaze fell innocently on a classmate next to you, and you were also taking notes seriously, and you saw it at this time.

They write with their left hands.

When you first noticed this phenomenon—perhaps in kindergarten—it was shocking. It's even a little scary, like seeing someone walking upside down towards you. Write with your left hand? But the right hand is for writing!

You know. I know. However, when you panicked and asked the teacher why the student wrote that way, they just smiled and shook their heads.

"This is normal," they tell you. "Some people are just left-handed."

As young as you are, you take this as a fact. You begin to walk through a world full of left-handed scissors, left-handed guitars, and even left-handed notebooks. You think all this is wrong, but you just move on and accept the status quo.

Well, I'm here to make the world right-left-handers just pretend. 

A recent study conducted by the Right-Handed Skeptics Association showed that there is actually no evidence that these self-proclaimed "left-handed" people have any practical reason to write with their left hands. They do it just to annoy you.

Have you ever heard "left-handers" complain about how the world is designed for right-handers? Under your disgust, don't you think they are a bit bad? That is their play. 

"Left-handed" or LHDD (Left-Handed Delusion) has nothing to do with genes or neural pathways, and our team of scientists has ruled that any research suggesting this is fraudulent. This kind of leftist research is actually funded by so-called left-handed "people" who are particularly committed to keeping the conspiracy alive. Don’t fall prey to these so-called “geneticists” and “cognitive neurosurgeons” who claim to have studied in apparently fictitious places such as “Johns Hopkins University” and “William and Mary College”. Strive to be a discerning reader-do these sound like real schools to you? No, these are just people's names. 

The so-called "left-handed" chose this burden. They chose such a way of writing that the ink was smeared immediately. They choose to catch the ball with the wrong hand to increase unnecessary sports challenges. In the past, young “left-handed” children were punished by teachers and parents for not using their right hands and were forced to use them in the correct way. 

In fact, fist strikes were invented by "left-handers" as a technique to avoid recognizing right-handed dominance through handshake.

The cruel truth is that all of this is an act—a global conspiracy theory that makes you and your right-handed people uncomfortable. Wake up, America!

So next time you see your classmates graffiti with their left hand, let them know you know the truth. Show them there is a better way.

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